Love, Lust, and Laughter

Love Lust And Laughter - 04.11.18

“LOVE WORTH MAKING – HOW TO HAVE RIDICULOUSLY GREAT SEX IN A LONG LASTING RELATIONSHIP” is a book written by Stephen Snyder, M.D. – and my guest. His is a book written in an easy, conversational tone that could serve as a manual for couples and for therapists who are not sex experts. Dr. Snyder points out that emotional skills and physical awareness are typically more central to good sex than sexual technique. More self-acceptance and less self-criticism often enhance the libido. Dr. Diana and Dr. Snyder enjoyed a lively discussion about these matters and more. Part 2 will be broadcast on May 1^st. He will give his book to the first caller. Get ready to call-in! Dr. Synder’s website is www.LoveWorthMaking.com  

Love Lust And Laughter - 04.04.18

Dr. Nick Karras, author of “The Passionate High – A guide to using cannabis for better sex & creativity” spoke with Dr. Diana and her husband Bryan Brewer. The three of us had such an engaging conversation at a sexuality conference, I thought we’d do it again on-the-air!  In my practice I meet couples who complain about how the routine of their lives has left them feeling numb. Dr. Nick may have the solution: slowing down and appreciating each other – activities enhanced perhaps by cannabis. Dr. Nick observes, “I try to have my clients become more sensual first. When you are more sensual, intimacy happens and so does creativity.” His book which can be found onwww.PassionateHigh.com covers Connection & Creativity, and Setting the Scene. Sensual, empathic sex can extend your pleasure! Yes, it’s true: lighting, foods, sounds and smells may all become receptive to heightened sensation. Sensuality is characterized by full absorption in the moment-to-moment experience of the senses. Please tune-in for some illuminating information!

Love Lust And Laughter - 03.27.18

Sheri Winston (www.IntimateArtsCenter.com) , author of Succulent Sex Craft and Women’s Anatomy of Arousal, returned to the program. On March 6^th we called the show #goodsextoo; this time we focused on boundaries and communication. Women may get into situations where they are having second sexual thoughts and even bad sex. What to do? Boundaries: we need to be clear about what we want to do and don’t want to do. This is a conversation that may not occur when one is drunk; therefore, make decisions when the brain is working well. Two listeners called in – and the first will receive Sheri’s book “Women’s Anatomy of Arousal.” Both callers had fascinating observations and questions! Sheri knows so much…next time we’ll talk about how to create and then play inside a “conjoined erotic trance” – a state where intuitive magic happens!

 

Love Lust And Laughter - 03.13.18

Dr. Linda De Villers (www.DrLindaDeVillers.com) is the author of “Love Sills – A Fun, Upbeat Guide to Sex-cessful Relationships” – a wonderful book providing step-by-step programs for sexual fun, adventure and growth! Dr. Linda and Dr. Diana have been friends and colleagues since 1991. They both share this in common: Linda’s mother died at 100 in April and Diana’s died at 95 in August of 2017. Both docs were blessed with secure attachment in their families of origin! This is a positive because our attachment experience influences whether we see ourselves as lovable. If a secure person is with an anxious one, be receptive to his or her desire for security and allay fears when second-guessing or smothering seems to be going on. If with an avoidant who is clamming up, talk about how you can give him the space he may not even realize he wants…get him talking openly! Dr. Linda, who has done research on touch, speaks about getting in touch with touch. We spoke about touch in a baby’s life, how different cultures embrace touch or don’t, the distinction between sensuality and sexuality, and the limitations and benefits of caressing exercises. Body image issues plague many women who believe that they have to have a beautiful body to be alluring and enjoy pleasure. Sometimes it may be a way to avoid being sexual; indeed, a “self-image neurosis.” In order to love another, it’s important to respect his choice of you as a worthy lover. With this kind of self-respect, it’s easier to forget precise physical boundaries in the warm, sensual, sexual world that two people make together!     

Love Lust And Laughter - 03.06.18

We’re calling this show #goodsextoo. In light of the current #metoo conversations, there appear to be women who are unhappy because they had bad sex…not coercive, violent or otherwise non-consensual sex, just sex that wasn’t very good. Sheri Winston and Dr. Diana spoke about how the latter can be prevented. Sheri is a celebrated sexuality teacher, an award-winning author and a medical professional (www.IntimateArtsCenter.com). Her books areSucculent Sex Craft and Women’s Anatomy of Arousal – both great maps to “buried pleasure”! We discussed communication, mindfulness, and the challenges for men to understand women’s bodies and their arousal patterns. Sheri will return March 27^th. During that live program, we will take questions. Please listen to this show, and call-in for the next one!

Love Lust And Laughter - 02.27.18

David Steinberg (www.DavidSteinberg.us), always a fascinating guest, spoke of his new screenplay project about Marco Vassi – a sexual adventurer and visionary. But first, Dr. Diana and David discussed his fine art erotic photographs. He has been involved with the Seattle Erotic Arts Festival for fourteen years, arriving at the “Masters” level. This year in June he has five photos in the show. David’s photography is entirely different from porn; while explicit, he is interested in the emotional connection between the couple. Back to David’s screenplay: Marco Vassi was intimately involved in NYC’s sex scene in the 70s and 80s, and the Hellfire Club played a role. Please tune-in for an amazing program...An “erotic masterpiece” is in the works!   

Love Lust And Laughter - 02.20.18

Cannabis and sex! Better orgasms! Matisse and Chelsea developed a cannabis enhanced sensual lubricant called Velvet Swing which provides more fun for everyone (www.velvetswing.com). Discussions went from the pragmatic (Willie Nelson re being caught with a bag of marijuana: “It’s a good thing I had a bag of marijuana instead of a bag of spinach. I’d be dead by now.”) to the sublime (Natalie Angier, author of “Woman, An Intimate Geography,” said, “Marijuana can be a sexual mentor and sublime electrician, bringing the lights of Broadway to women who have spent years in frigid darkness.”) Chelsea and Matisse talked about the science of weed, the consent culture, the help that can be brought to sexual dysfunctions, slowing down, foreplay – and more! This is a program that will inform, and perhaps make a difference in your sex life.

Love Lust And Laughter - 02.13.18

Would you like a few secrets for becoming a vibrant Valentine? Brad Coates (www.CoatesandFrey.com – author of “Divorce with Decency”) and Dr. Diana’s fiancé, soon-to-be husband Bryan Brewer (www.Funding-Quest.com) joined forces to answer that question. Dr. Diana first described what she’s heard women friends and clients want when it comes to love. LOOKS were not mentioned much. Women tend to be much more forgiving of physical flaws – having spent a lifetime perhaps examining their own. BRAINS. Yes, women love a smart man (or at least a man who loves learning new things), and a man with a sense of humor. WEALTH. Most of the sample seemed not to be gold diggers, saying they can make their own way. Really what women want is someone who has found something he loves and does it well. KINDNESS topped the list! Women want a man who will treat her kindly – and for that, the best women will give and forgive much. Pay attention to the attention she pays; be patient, one-third more often than you feel patient; don’t try to fix it, try to understand it; tell her she makes you feel lucky – and you will win her heart! Brad points out that many men in midlife move from competing to connecting. The happiest men are more expressive and sensuous – they have cultivated their feminine side. We all spoke about how sensual sex can extend pleasure. Dr. Diana and Bryan discussed what is personally romantic. Romancing the senses by engaging all of them – sight, touch, sound, scent, and taste. Light scented candles, play music, feed each other sensual foods, watch erotic films, wear sexy lingerie (“Brevity is the soul of lingerie” – Dorothy Parker). Smell is especially important: nuzzle and sniff each other; as is touch: massage each other, taking your time. Dr. Diana’s observation re Bryan: When I say “I love you,” the words are not spoken out of habit. It is my way of saying thank you for being you and returning some of the joy you have given me. If you have a Valentine, make the most of it!  

Love Lust And Laughter - 02.06.18

Dr. Mark Schoen, a sex educator and filmmaker, last here last year, returned. His website www.SexSmartFilms.com is the Netflix of sex education! Indeed, this website is a sex educator’s dream come true! There are some 600 films on the site – including sensate focus exercises, the science of orgasms, the true story of how babies are made, the science of attraction, and TRANS (about the transgendered folks dealing with discrimination and rejection). We also discussed his project with Dr. Mitch Tepper “Making Love after War.” So much more needs to be done to help vets deal with their (sexual) injuries. Consent is really important these days! Use your words. We seem to be especially unable to talk about sex when we are having it, or about to have it. Education is the key. If people felt less ambivalent about sex, they could use their words more easily and  have much better sex!   

Love Lust And Laughter - 01.30.18

Dr. Dudley Danoff MD, a world renowned urologist, is the author of “The Ultimate Guide to Male Sexual Health  -- How to Stay Vital at Any Age” (www.TheUtimateGuidetoMensHealth.com). We focused on his Chapter 9 having to do with aging and sexuality. Dr. Danoff says, “You do not stop having sex because you get old, you get old because you stop having sex!” Many older men experience ED. What is the cause? Hormones? Psychological changes? Vascular problems? Heart disease? Prolonged monogamy? Or simply all the insults to the body that accrue with aging? Dr. Danoff has the answers! Some women will say, “I have some menopausal symptoms, but my husband has more! I get tired of trying to start things in the bedroom. I always thought it was me. I stopped trying because I thought it was embarrassing to him.” Erectile Dysfunction can be a huge challenge to a man’s virility and vitality. If an older man has a regular, trusted partner, he is at less risk as he ages. Most of us want emotional connection, safety, and communication. Many men did not get training for interpersonal communication. They got performance training. Dr. William Masters was asked his best advice for a man losing his potency. “Talk to your partner. Tell her you have these concerns. She’s probably concerned and afraid to tell you. Then talk to a competent sexologist about how to reactivate your bedroom scene. Communication is the privilege of exchanging vulnerabilities.” Dr. Danoff is as wise as Dr. Masters! Please listen to this program.