Sex Gets Complicated During the Pandemic” is the CNN Health headline. The article was posted on Monday September 14, 2020, and features Dr. Diana and her sex advice book Love in the Time of Corona. The wonderful and articulate Dr. Carol Queen joined the program again. She is the Good Vibrations Staff Sexologist and the author of three books. The most recent is The Sex and Pleasure Book. The sex docs discussed non-sexual/sensate focus/full body caressing exercises. Dr. Carol is an expert on erotic talk: what do you want to say? (Narrate the plots of erotic stories; reminisce about a past sexy encounter; make requests to do specific sexual things). Furthermore, how do you want to say it? (Make a list of your preferred terms for erogenous body parts, and sex acts).

 

The CNN article notes that some are having more intimate, fun sex, and pushing boundaries. One way to do this is to introduce new and different sex toys. The sex toy industry reports a 250% spike in sales, selling more than 1 million toys since March! Dr. Diana’s advice for men in heterosexual relationships is to make friends with the toys. Some men are threatened or intimidated: “Why do you want or need a sex toy except to masturbate?” It’s fun to learn how to use different toys, especially in combination with other ways to stimulate her with your mouth, your hands, and your penis. Dr. Carol and Dr. Diana discussed how multiple points of stimulation can enhance the intensity of the orgasm even more! (Google “trigasm.”) These are great ways to reconnect with your partner. This pandemic is a stressful time, but you know what? It doesn’t have to be so stressful on your relationship.

Once again Dr. Diana’s friend and colleague Dr. Lori Buckley (www.DrLoriBuckley.com) joined the show—this time to talk about the importance of play. In Dr. Diana’s book Love in the Time of Corona: Advice From a Sex Therapist for Couples In Quarantine, Chapter 6 is titled “Laugh and Play Together.” Dr. Lori asks her clients, “When was the last time you laughed together?” A great question! Studies show that couples who laugh together last together. Shared laughter has a positive effect on relationship satisfaction. And … laughter can lead the way to play because it’s the sidekick of play. We are absolutely hardwired to play. Actually, all animals in nature play. The best example are dolphins. They survive in a dangerous ocean by making play a priority every day, and they allow their offspring to play. They form protective circles so their young ones can play without worrying about sharks. Human children are masters of play! They just do what they enjoy: drawing, singing songs, building forts or making messes in the kitchen—and go at it with total enthusiasm.

 

Play is not so easy for some adults who feel like they are juggling many responsibilities—made more vivid by the pandemic. But we humans have an innate need for play. Play is vital for problem solving, creativity and joy! People who don’t give themselves time (or permission) to play are more likely to be anxious and depressed, experience less optimism, and may be more susceptible to unhealthy behaviors, like avoiding exercise or excessive drinking. Dr. Lori’s website www.StuffofLove.com features lots of ways to promote play! You will find a game Dr. Lori created: “CPR for Love” (Connection, Passion, Romance) with creative questions that will stimulate sexy conversations. The sex toys featured are selected and test-driven by Dr. Lori. Her product “Luv My Vulva,” when massaged into the vulva, can have an arousing, tingling effect. If you go to her website you’ll see that for all of September you will get 15% off: use Discount Code – LLLsave15. Tune into the program because Dr. Diana and Dr. Lori have lots of ideas for rekindling or increasing your sense of play!  

Dr. Ashley Mader (www.OurShine.org) and Dr. Diana explored the connection between cannabis and sex, and whether cannabis might be right for you, the risks and rewards, and some dos and don’ts. In Dr. Diana’s book Love in the Time of Corona, the value of being silly, playful, and in the moment are keys to a more enjoyable sensual and sexual connection with your partner. Of course, you don’t have to be high on cannabis to act silly or playful, but it can help some people to loosen up. It’s important to know the law and practice informed consent. In Dr. Ashley’s practice in Massachusetts she has clients from 18 to 80 years of age, and more than half of them use pot in some form – for pleasure, for sleep, to alleviate anxiety/stress, and for medicine, perhaps to relieve pain. She mentioned a study by Dr. Becky Lynn, St. Louis University, where women reported better orgasms when high. This can serve to strengthen the couple’s bond. The feelings of euphoria generated by cannabis often lead to a sense of playfulness and may lower inhibitions, allowing for your playful self to emerge. This can be a journey of discovery: there is no set pathway for learning how to navigate this new territory; there is no destination to aim for. The bottom line is that sex is fun … it’s adult playtime for pleasure-positive experiences! There is more at www.DearDrDiana.com.

Keeping sex alive for life! Dr. Diana is a gerontologist and was joined by Dr. Ashley Mader (www.OurShine.org) who focuses on older adult sexuality (as she did in her Ph.D. dissertation). Dr. Diana worked with Dr. Walter Bortz, MD (author of Dare to Be 100) in the early 1990s on aging and sexuality studies, and was later published in medical journals. Both Dr. Diana and Dr. Ashley tackled outdated expectations and promoted new ways to celebrate sexuality throughout the later years.

 

Within the COVID-19 crisis, there are new challenges and opportunities. “Pandemic sex” is exciting because being sexual is a reminder that one is still alive and feeling so alive! Making the most of the lockdown can deepen a (senior) sex relationship and offer health benefits as well. Putting sex on the calendar, keeping it playful, using mindfulness, incorporating fantasy, and how to get going when you don’t feel the urge—all were discussed (and all are detailed in Dr. Diana’s book Love in the Time of Corona). Dr. Ashley has some older clients who are into kink and the poly lifestyle. This brings them more dopamine, the hormone of arousal! Novelty stimulates the release of dopamine, so, change the pattern, change the place, change your approach, change your response, change your style. Tune in for more details! Dr. Ashley will return to the program August 18th when the topic of cannabis and sex will be explored.  

Is quarantining getting you down? So many couples (and individuals) are depressed, distracted, and even angry. Couples may feel they are stuck together … but, still they want to stick together. Dr. Lori and Dr. Diana to the rescue! Besides Zooming with therapy clients, they both enjoy learning, writing, and talking about sex. It is their favorite subject and driving passion!  Sexual pleasure is healthy and helps manage stress. Dr. Diana’s new book Love in the Time of Corona has guidelines and exercises to help the couple get back on an intimacy track. Dr. Lori’s website www.StuffofLove.com has personally picked and tested sex toys – for her, for him, and for couples.

 

Two products that Dr. Lori created and developed are “CPR FOR LOVE” and “LUV MY VULVA.” CPR stands for Connection, Passion, Romance. For example, here’s a Connection card: Tell your partner three things that you like most about them. A Passion card suggests: Read erotica to your partner while they suck your toes, and a Romance card has this invitation: Take a shower or bath together with music and candles … washing each other’s hair and body. All of this might encourage communication between a couple who’ve stopped talking about sex – and then some action! The “LUV MY VULVA” is a moisturizing cream designed for sensual massage to enhance sexual pleasure alone or with a partner. Dr. Diana reports: It is a fantastic product! Dr. Lori will offer PRN listeners a 10% discount at checkout: Use discount code “CPR 4 Love”.  Listen for all the juicy, helpful details!

Patricia Raskin has interviewed over 5,000 people including Maya Angelou, Jack Canfield and Dr. Memhet Oz. Now Dr. Diana gets to interview her! Patricia is a positive force, so it’s not surprising her internet radio show is all about positive living.  She interviewed me on Voice America three weeks ago about my new book Love in the Time of Corona: Advice from a Sex Therapist for Couples in Quarantine. This morning Patricia gave a Webinar on RESLILIENCE, and these days don’t we all wish for more resilience? Having a high tolerance for ambiguity, knowing how to calm yourself in a crisis, and having weathered adversity in the past all help in coping. FORGIVENESS. Is it harder to repair or forgive past wounds as you age? Patricia’s wise observations include separating out whose issue it was and then, what was my part? We also spoke about finding LOVE in one’s later years. Patricia Raskin is a wonderful catalyst for creating positive change!

Dr. Carol Queen returned to the show for Part 2. The two sex docs had a lively conversation about yesterday’s Supreme Court’s decision affirming that workplace civil-rights protections extend to gay and transgender people. Dr. Carol reported the LGBTQ activists are thrilled! And that there seems to be a dent in people’s denial. Next on the agenda: Exhibitionism for the Shy, a book that Dr. Carol wrote some twenty-five years ago – with an updated version coming soon. Exhibitionism is a consensual erotic pleasure that can help you overcome shyness and body image issues. There are some fun exercises – showing off and exploring different styles of erotic clothing with an eye to what feels sexiest to you. Dr. Carol observes that what you look like to others is not as important as how you feel experiencing eroticism and pleasure. Dr. Carol and Dr. Diana both knew and loved Candida Royalle who died of ovarian cancer in 2015. We reminisced about Candice, and spoke about our friend Nina Hartley. Nina has been a porn star for 35 years and a video sex educator for almost as long, and wrote a blurb recommending my new book, Love in the Time of Corona: Advice from a Sex Therapist for Couples in QuarantineGood Vibrations (www.GoodVibes.com) is promoting Men’s Health Week – including men’s sexual health. Also, visit my new online sex advice column at www.DearDrDiana.com. Please tune in for lots of good information!

 

Our nation is in crisis … This is a scary and uncertain time. Dr. Carol Queen author of “The Sex & Pleasure Book” and Dr. Diana Wiley author of “Love in the Time of Corona” have great solutions for some stress relief! Get to know your partner better and have more sex. Yes, sex is play! Besides, there are health benefits that reduce stress and anxiety.  Dr. Carol is the Good Vibrations (www.GoodVibes.com) Staff Sexologist. Since 1990 she has used the platform to focus on sex education and women’s pleasure … informing and inspiring sexual comfort and exploration. During the program we spoke of the power of touch – by a partner or by oneself.  Her book is a compassionate guide for everyone and is a great source for sex education. Most were not given a proper sex education in school. Can you imagine if Driver’s Ed consisted of a teacher saying, “Here’s a car. Now don’t drive it!”? Dr. Diana (her new advice column: www.DearDrDiana.com) and Dr. Carol spoke with optimism and are hoping folks will explore what’s possible. Difficult conversations between couples can be helped by both our books! Tune in for a June 16th Part 2 with Carol Queen, Ph.D.

Dr. Lori Buckley guest hosted, interviewing Dr. Diana and her husband Bryan about their new book Love in the Time of Corona published today on Amazon!  Take a look. It’s an e-book – soon to be followed by a print copy.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B088TSNSPM

Several questions were explored …including What can couples do to thrive and grow closer during this challenging time?  “Forced togetherness” can be used as an opportunity to explore your sexual relationship and rekindle the sparks of passion. In addition to having fun, you may discover deeper levels of intimacy, both with your partner and with yourself. What makes touch so important for couples? Now, more than ever, we need comforting touch, a touch of love. There’s a universal truth about human sexuality: no matter your sexual beliefs, nothing beats a good back or foot massage. What about romance? Is it possible in this challenging time? Absolutely yes! Romance has a lot more to do with thoughtfulness, kindness, and fun than spending tons of money .. although flowers can be welcome if the guy is really present in other ways as well. Dr. Lori asked about more topics from the book – including: the health benefits and healing powers of sex; scheduling sex, putting it on the calendar for a Date Night at home; reconnecting sexually if there’s been a long period of time without much intimacy; tips for becoming more confident and skilled as a lover; suggestions for couples to improve their sexual communication skills; and Seven Secrets for Sensational Sex. Tune in – you may be informed and inspired! If you buy the e-book, you will find many exercises – giving you structure so that you can make positive relationship changes during this Pandemic.   

We need to go from Quarantining to Cocooning. Host Dr. Diana Wiley has a book soon to be published “Love in the Time of Corona,” and her guest is Sheri Winston (www.IntimateArtsCenter.com) author of “Succulent Sex Craft.” Together they spoke of the COVID19 level of uncertainty which often leads to increased stress and anxiety. Since sex is good for reducing stress and deepening a relationship, use this time as an opportunity to explore your sexual relationship and rekindle the sparks of passion. Plan a date night (or morning/afternoon) at home. Put it on the calendar. Sex does not have to be spontaneous. We both have Chapters on touch. Sheri’s has the “Six P’s of Touch: PRESENCE: Be present. Touch here now. PURPOSE: Hold a positive intention. PATIENCE: Don’t rush, Take your time. PRECISION: Be accurate and focused. (Body Painting each other can be a fun game!) PATTERN: Think musically and artistically – use rhythm, themes and motifs. PROGRESSION: Keep it moving – and coherent.  Laughing and playing together is important because couples who laugh together last together. Creative silliness is a great solution! The word silly did not originally mean ridiculous or trivial. It comes from the Old English saelig, which meant prosperous, happy, and healthy. A little silliness can help you enjoy all those blessings. Sheri compared some sex to how dogs and cats like to play. The dog, often a man, may dive right into the genitals while the cat-like woman wants more of a warmup connection, going at her pace. Laughter yoga and sexual energy were also discussed. Tune in!

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