Dr. Dudley Danoff MD, a world renowned urologist, is the author of “The Ultimate Guide to Male Sexual Health  -- How to Stay Vital at Any Age” (www.TheUtimateGuidetoMensHealth.com). We focused on his Chapter 9 having to do with aging and sexuality. Dr. Danoff says, “You do not stop having sex because you get old, you get old because you stop having sex!” Many older men experience ED. What is the cause? Hormones? Psychological changes? Vascular problems? Heart disease? Prolonged monogamy? Or simply all the insults to the body that accrue with aging? Dr. Danoff has the answers! Some women will say, “I have some menopausal symptoms, but my husband has more! I get tired of trying to start things in the bedroom. I always thought it was me. I stopped trying because I thought it was embarrassing to him.” Erectile Dysfunction can be a huge challenge to a man’s virility and vitality. If an older man has a regular, trusted partner, he is at less risk as he ages. Most of us want emotional connection, safety, and communication. Many men did not get training for interpersonal communication. They got performance training. Dr. William Masters was asked his best advice for a man losing his potency. “Talk to your partner. Tell her you have these concerns. She’s probably concerned and afraid to tell you. Then talk to a competent sexologist about how to reactivate your bedroom scene. Communication is the privilege of exchanging vulnerabilities.” Dr. Danoff is as wise as Dr. Masters! Please listen to this program.

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What do men want? Brad Coates (www.CoatesandFrey.com) knows because he has handled 8-9 thousand divorces over the last 40 years. He also knows what women want, and everything is documented in the 5th Edition of his book Divorce with Decency. Brad is an unusual divorce attorney because he suggests relationship counseling! He even speaks on cruise ships, cruising to some 140 countries in the last fifteen years. Brad and Dr. Diana discussed the physical and emotional make-up of men, the values and communication styles, the economic issues, and life trajectories. Brad will return February 13th. Of course, we’ll talk romance and more!

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Sexuality and disabilities are not addressed or explored enough. Dr. Mitchell Tepper (www.DrMitchellTepper.com) reports that he “dove head first into the field” because of a diving accident years ago, breaking his neck. Since then he has become an internationally recognized sexuality educator, disability expert, and pioneer in spinal cord research and orgasm. Dr. Mitch has been collaborating with Dr. Mark Schoen on a documentary: “Love After War” (www.LoveafterWar.com). By going to that website, you can see clips that may bring tears to your eyes! Wanting to help our vets rediscover a life filled with passion, purpose and pleasure.

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Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. – Anais Nin. Dr. Lori Buckley (www.DrLoriBuckley.com)  helped us with this “replenishing” by suggesting a number of decisions (similar toresolutions) we can make as we begin 2018. Decisions are at the core of her book “21 Decisions for Great Sex & a Happy Relationship” (found on Amazon). What if your decision is to have a better sex life? Dr. Lori and Dr. Diana discussed action steps necessary. Trying something new is important; for example, try banning intercourse for 30 days to discover new and exciting ways to increase sexual pleasure. Outercourse” is a great option because it helps women forget there is a goal, so that they can just enjoy the feelings and sensations of the ride. On Dr. Lori’s website you will find recommended sex toys – including strap ons and vibrating cock-rings. This show is filled with useful information – so, please listen!

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Dr. Patti Britton is a friend and colleague of some twenty-seven-years. She and Dr. Diana feel passionately about sexuality – and they both teach, coach, and offer therapy. Her URLs are: www.DrPattiBritton.com;www.SexCoachU.com and www.SexologyU.com. Here you will find in-depth, sensitive approaches to thorough training. Dr. Patti’s life partner of 17 years died earlier this year…Dr. Robert Dunlap was also her business partner. He left a huge legacy: we discussed it on the air. On Robert’s deathbed he said to his beloved, “I wish we had had more time together…and had spent less time with other people’s problems.” Death is a teacher. Don’t defer the love, the joy. Our mutual friend Dr. Stella Resnick sums it up with “Carpe Diem, Dammit!” Dr. Robert was a man well loved and had a life well lived. Dr. Patti will return early next year to discuss what strategies she recommends for self help before someone needs professional help: women – top issues; men – top issues; couples – top issues. Stay tuned!

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Dr. Lori Buckley – www.DrLoriBuckley.com – returned to the program. Her book is “21 Decisions for Great Sex & a Happy Relationship” and can be purchased on AMAZON. This is the time of year to express gratitude; although, all of us would be happier if we did it every day. The happiest couples work to build positivity into their relationships.  Positive emotion is about more than just having fun – it includes gratitude, inspiration, and curiosity! Gratitude helps remind us of the good qualities in our partners. Dr. Lori’s Chapter 2 is “Cherish Your Partner,” and suggests this exercise: “I feel loved and cherished when you…” A man married forty years has this precious perspective, “The love between two people is sustained by the multiple roles of lover, partner, friend, and champion.” Yes, with more positivity and gratitude, the payoff is great: more fun, more growth, better sex, and more sustained intimacy!

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Veronica Monet, a relationship and sexuality coach – www.TheShameFreeZone.com – returned to the show. She and Dr. Diana discussed sexual harassment. In her twenties, Veronica had some personal experiences with powerful men in Hollywood. Sexual harassment has become normalized, and of course it is an abuse of power. Then there was this topic: How guilt and empathy can save us from shame and low self-esteem. Most folks don’t enjoy feeling guilty; so, why would she encourage us to connect with our guilt in a positive way? In her work, she encourages her clients to get in touch with the inner, innocent child which helps them reconnect with those they might have harmed. Empathy should come into play here. Like so much in life, thinking about the feelings of others hinges on emotional regulation. A person who can control his/her own emotions (especially negative ones like anger and anxiety) without denying them will be able to tolerate others’ upsets, not prompted to run from them – and able to help. Veronica spoke about healing from shame. In her Part 2, December 12th, we will have an expanded conversation about sexual healing.

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There’s a reason fairy tales always end in marriage. It’s because nobody wants to see what comes after. It may be too grim. Brad Coates knows all about marriage and divorce – as a divorce lawyer who authored “Divorce with Decency” now in its 5th Edition. www.CoatesandFrey.com. Brad is a frequent guest, and this time he and Dr. Diana discussed “What Women Want…Female Needs, Desires and Behavior in Romantic Relationships.” Stats partly tell the story: 2/3rds of women file for divorce; 60% of men, but only 35% of women say sexual activity is important to their lives; 77% of women surveyed said they valued independence and privacy over remarriage. Since marriage is no longer imposed by economic necessity, many marriages are not held together by need, so much as by love. But in the “old” days male courtship skills were important. Now newly empowered women want and expect understanding and basic kindness from their mate, as well as good sex. There are the so-called “Viagra Divorces”; i.e., once erect, men tend to skimp on foreplay. They may want to use their erections now that they can have them again – not always considering their mate. There’s more…Tune in!

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Barbi Benton, Dr. Diana’s good friend of 20 years, discussed Hugh Hefner (aka Hef) and his legacy. Barbi was his good friend for nearly 50 years! Hef was a sexual and social pioneer who took sexuality out of the shadows and presented it as part of the Good Life. Barbi shared their good life as a couple (1968-1976), and then how they had remained friends until his death September 27th. Barbi recalled trips with Hef on the customized “Big Bunny” plane with a round bed and a shower so that, upon landing, they could emerge refreshed. They traveled to Africa, Paris, and Spain – among other places. Barbi described her man as a romantic: “He always had his hands on somebody…but, when it was me (often), I was so proud to be with him. I felt I ‘belonged.’” He also loved kissing! Diana and Barbi were at the Mansion in 2006 for “Fight Night.” It was there that Dr. Diana got to briefly talk to Hef about Dr. Helen Fisher’s work. When he started Playboy in 1953, America was a sexually sick country…the words “sex” and “pregnant” were not allowed on TV. Oral sex, contraception, and factual sex education were illegal. Barbi will always love Hef and admire how he did it his way – which, when it comes to sexuality, is exactly what he would encourage the rest of us to do!

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Masturbation and Sex Toys! Do I have your attention? Dr. Carol Queen (www.CarolQueen.com or www.GoodVibes.com) returned for this informative Part 2. Her “The Sex & Pleasure Book – Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone” is a comprehensive book which advises, enlightens, amuses, encourages – so that sex and intimacy can be so much more fulfilling. Masturbation. How can one simple word be so complex? For many, relationships are the main goal in life; therefore, nurturing a sense of self-love gets lost in the mix. Dr. Carol and Dr. Diana explored how healthy masturbation is, and how the exploration of one’s self can lead to better partner sex and orgasms! Joani Blank founded Good Vibrations 40 years ago in San Francisco, and Carol Queen developed the educational training for female-friendly, in-house retail sales. We discussed the history of masturbation and vibrators, and the most popular sex toys for women and men. For a lot of women vibrators are an essential part of their sex life because, yes, it may provide a guaranteed orgasm!    

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