Love, Lust, and Laughter

Love Lust And Laughter - 10.31.18

Halloween is tomorrow. What are adults getting out of Halloween? Some dress up as their fantasy persona. Does this impact personal sexual behavior? Dr. Nancy Sutton Pierce (www.drnsp.com) returned to the program to help sort this out. Dr. Nancy is a sex and relationship author, an international speaker, and a sensuality educator. Playing out fantasies can help couples with communication, help them be more playful and adventurous. According to a study of people’s sexual fantasies, where more than 4,000 respondents were interviewed, the most common fantasy is multi-partnered sex, followed by power, control, and rough sex; novelty and adventure; taboo and forbidden sex;  and partner sharing and non-monogamy. Many experiment with these fantasies in a harmless manner – often inviting additional communication. Dr. Nancy sees fantasy as entertainment! As a teacher, she is involved with Hedonism (www.hedonism.com) – a resort that can jump-start a fading sexual relationship. Dr. Diana referred to “Nina Hartley’s Guide to Total Sex” which provides some valuable information about three-somes and more. In her chapter “Swinging: Strangers at the Party” Nina observes that by keeping an open mind, you will find out things about yourself or your partner that may surprise you. We discussed this. Dr. Nancy is a voice on Voice America. https://radio.thesexylifestyle.com/show/3801/the-conscious-living-show. Please tune in on November 13^th for more with Dr. Nancy!

Love Lust And Laughter - 10.23.18

Jessa Zimmerman – www.JessaZimmerman.com – has written “Sex without Stress – A Couple’s Guide to Overcoming Disappointment, Avoidance & Pressure.” It has recently been published, and already I am recommending the book to couples in my practice. The cycle of avoidance does damage to a couple’s sex life. We discussed the sexual myths that spawn unrealistic expectations – including men want sex more than women and are always ready to go. An informal survey of sex therapists suggests that the man has more libido in 60 to 70% of cases, but sometimes it is 50-50 men vs women. Often the lower desire person wants more nonsexual affection and more attention in general. Jessa describes two ways that people experience sexual desire – proactive and reactive. In the latter case, desire needs to be evoked. “Just do it” may be the best advice here because often arousal is necessary to feel desire. So, people who think they need to be in the mood to have sex might in fact need to have sex to get in the mood! Maintenance sex is not the same thing as enthusiastic sex; but, as Amy Poehler declared in her memoir “You have to have sex with your husband occasionally, even though you’re exhausted. Sorry.” Other myths in Jessa Zimmerman’s book include sex is natural; it shouldn’t take work. And you and your partner should know what the other wants; you shouldn’t have to communicate. Other myths: women should orgasm though penetration alone, men should last a long time, and if you are in a good relationship, neither of you should masturbate. When Jessa returns December 4^th, we will discuss “The Nine Phases of Taking Stress out of Sex.” Tune-in!

Love Lust And Laughter - 10.16.18

Sheri Winston, author of “Succulent Sex Craft,” returned to the program to again discuss boundaries. Few were taught about boundaries when they were young; therefore, Sheri and Dr. Diana’s conversation reflected remedial education on the topic. Adults need to talk with their boys and girls early and often about sexual ethics, gender dynamics, consent, pleasure, healthy relationships and the risk to them of mixing sex and alcohol. Pleasure is often missing in sex education…and the joy associated with full consent and enthusiasm! But how to get there? Research by the Making Caring Common project showed that in a survey of more than 3,000 18-to 25-year-olds, more than 60% of respondents had never had a single conversation with their parents about how to be sure your partner wants to be having sex with you. It seems as though many parents have abdicated responsibility for talking with their children about sexual ethics and emotional intimacy. Using role-plays, Sheri teaches ways to try out different approaches to saying things. Language is necessary – as is practice, perhaps using  friends for a rehearsal scenario. Acknowledging shyness about the topic – i.e., insisting on using a condom – can help the speaking-up process. If we helped people feel less ambivalent about sex, they could use their words more easily and have much better sex! There is more on Sheri’s website: www.IntimateArtsCenter.com.

Love Lust And Laughter - 10.09.18

Sheri Winston, author of “Succulent Sex Craft” a full-course meal of sex education delights, knows about boundaries. Reflecting the current national conversations, Dr. Diana and Sheri discussed the emotional, physical, energetic, romantic, sexual, and conversational boundaries. When our boundaries are healthy, we have the freedom to play and explore within them! Sheri offered the principles and skills of boundaries – one’s own and how to communicate and protect them. Few were taught early on about boundaries; therefore, skills need to be developed. These skills include self-awareness, authentic communication (if you can’t talk about it, don’t do it!), and choice. Is a firm “No” needed, a wide-open “Yes,” or perhaps a “maybe.”  Re the latter, if someone says, “I do not want to do this with you,” she may be indicating that she needs more time to check-in with her own needs. The conversation continues next week, a Part 2 with Sheri Winston. We will talk about respecting other people’s boundaries and teaching children about boundaries. Tune-in, call-in if you are listening live. Check-out Sheri’s website: www.IntimateArtsCenter.com.