Helping Men Overcome Performance Anxiety


Much of sexual misery stems from mistaken beliefs. Can you become one of those rare men who actually knows how his body works – and how it can work better to pleasure a woman?  And what about performance anxiety, the leading cause of penis failure?


Dr. Hernando Chaves, MFT, PhD, and a human sexuality professor at Pepperdine Malibu University ( joined the program to help answer these questions. But Dr. Diana and Dr. Hernando first spoke of penis size, the idea that bigger is better. This belief contributes to anxieties, and many have been influenced by the typical porn actor who is usually very well endowed. In the 1970s male porn star Richard Pacheco (aka Howie Gordon, also a past guest on this program) was “Mr. Average.” He was surprised that he kept getting cast in the films. Many producers allowed the women to choose their partners, and they often chose Pacheco because his penis didn’t hurt them. He joked that he had “the smallest dick to ever hit the big time.” Another porn star, Ron Jeremy, famous for his huge one, has said, “More women have gotten off on my tongue than my cock.”


Any type of anxiety—but especially performance anxiety—is the worst enemy of the penis, resulting in premature ejaculation, or its demon cousin, the lost erection. Dr. Hernando describes an exercise for couples: cuddle with a flaccid penis, feeling relaxed, comfortable, and practicing mindfulness. It is important to allow yourself to be vulnerable. Dr. Willian Masters had a humble definition of good communication in a relationship: “It’s the privilege of exchanging vulnerabilities.” Dr. Hernando reminds couples to discuss what is really stressing them out. Then listen … and really hear it. Premature ejaculation is one of the most common forms of sexual dysfunction, affecting more than 30% of men, especially younger men. Dr. Hernando addresses the mind/emotional aspects and gives behavioral techniques. Listen to the show – we want to banish stress from the bedroom and make sex fun again!     

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