Tantra meets BDSMLaurie Handlers, MA, explains how kink is connected to Tantra … and she does it happily! Yes, she is the author of Sex & Happiness: The Tantric Laws of Intimacy, an international bestselling book. Many people have sexual fantasies around power exchanges/alternative sex, but don’t really have the skills to act these fantasies out. Laurie and her partner Michael Gibson teach these skills and others in their workshops, covering things like boundaries, safe words, and how you want the consensual sex scene to play out—plus spanking training (scale of 1-10, 10 is STOP… 6,7,8 are the sweet spots). The idea is that certain wicked sensations, including pain, can enhance pleasure. Pain can also help with focus.

 

The science supports this: a University of Michigan study found that both pain and pleasure can trigger your brain to release dopamine, the hormone that gives you a thrilling rush. Trust must exist between the couple. When it does, sex can be sensational. One partner knows how to surrender and the other knows how to take charge. Tantra practices can be a great prelude to the BDSM scenes. In the Tantric yoga tradition, sex is the life energy that flows through the body. Two lovers can learn to channel this energy and ride it to maximum pleasure. Laurie teaches eye gazing where each one looks into the other’s left eye (the receptive, feminine eye accessing the right side of the brain). Another exercise involves touching hands and breathing in synchrony to merge the energy of the heart and pelvis chakras. She offers a variety of workshops, both online and (later) in person. Laurie knows how to move from bored to playful and passionate!

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