Love, Lust, and Laughter

Love, Lust and Laughter - 10.29.20

With so many people stressed out and hemmed in, how can we learn more about HEALING—and experience some of the pandemic’s silver linings? Dr. Ava Cadell is the founder of Loveology University, which provides certified online love coaching and relationship programs, empowering people all over the world. Dr. Ava is Dr. Diana’s good friend and colleague of almost twenty years. She spoke about Dr. Ava’s seven-hour Healing Course now available with loving solutions for how to heal from the loss of a loved one, loss of home or health, fear from the coronavirus, toxic relationships, sexual trauma and more. One solution is more laughter, including laughter yoga, a natural stress buster! It’s like a form of internal jogging, and what a nice way to exercise the heart and boost the mood. The Healing Course also covers water therapy, music therapy, meditation, animal therapy, gratitude journaling, and sexual healing. (You can also access Dr. Ava’s free YouTube mediations online.)

 

Dr. Ava points out that sex is our second instinct after survival. With all the coronavirus fear, stress and anxiety, it is hard to surrender to sex. (See Dr. Diana’s recent book—Love in the Time of Corona: Advice from a Sex Therapist for Couples in Quarantine—for lots of guidance about how to strengthen your relationships during the pandemic.) In general, a person has to find new positive ways of relating to sex, revisit and bring resolution to past sexual traumas, develop a better relationship to their body, and change their thoughts about control and loss of control. Yes, a person has to reclaim their authentic sexuality!

Love, Lust and Laughter - 10.14.20

Sheri Winston knows how to transform anxiety into excitement! As she explains in her book Succulent Sex Craft, anxiety is just excitement without enough breath. How about deepening and slowing down your breathing? Sheri and Dr. Diana conversed more about BREATHING and then focused on TOUCH. Sheri knows about sacred sexual traditions, ways that a couple can get into the same arousal zone, and a lot about anatomy. Both men and women have erectile tissues. The paired internal vestibular bulbs—which are part of the clitoral system and are located under the outer labia—are the real “buried pleasure!”

 

Sheri ventures there is a “Pandemic of Premature Penetration.” One study found that a couple’s average time for foreplay and intercourse was 12 minutes total. When a couple slows down and spends more time sexually engaged, say 30-45 minutes, tissues are engorged, arousal is high, and they may feel like they’re in a deep erotic trance. Then, penetration can feel amazing!

 

Both Sheri and Dr. Diana suggested seeking professional help if a couple is contemplating divorce. Divorce rates are poised to rise. A Washington D.C. area firm reports a 70% increase in inquiries about divorce representation since March. Don’t be in that group. Read Sheri’s books as well as Dr. Diana’s book, Love in the Time of Corona: Advice from a Sex Therapist for Couples in Quarantine, and really communicate with your partner so that you can go from “Quarantining to Cocooning.” With the pandemic still raging, we need Sheri’s wisdom—dispensed with such an open heart!

Love, Lust and Laughter - 10.06.20

Dr. Diana’s return guest, Dr. Ashley Mader, is well versed in differentiation. It is no surprise that differentiation issues are played out in the sexual area. What is differentiation? It involves learning to balance your individuality (separateness) with your emotional connection to someone else (togetherness). Standing on your own two feet—rather than trying to merge with your partner or lose yourself in love—may lead to the best sex you’ve ever had!

 

Dr. Diana and Dr. Ashley are both experts in aging and sexuality. They spoke about Gail Sheehy’s idea—in her book Passages—that sometime around age 50, the man becomes more romantic and the woman becomes more assertive. We must not mistake genital prime for sexual prime! Dr. David Schnarch’s Passionate Marriage focuses on how you don’t work on your marriage; your marriage works on you. Marriage or being in a committed relationship is the ideal arena in which to become clearer about who you are so that you can contribute to and enjoy a better partnership.

 

In addition to conducting her private practice in Amherst, MA, Dr. Ashely is in her third year of graduate school at the Bowen Center at Georgetown University. Dr. Bowen’s philosophy is that we may have unresolved emotional attachment issues with our family of origin. We may have to toggle between our emotional and intellectual selves. Back to Schnarch because this is important: You give up the fantasy that the other person is going to complete you. So your goal changes from getting someone to love you to being someone capable of loving. Dr. Diana’s book Love in the Time of Corona: Advice from a Sex Therapist for Couples in Quarantine is especially timely, and can help with this process.