Love, Lust and Laughter - 02.07.23

VALENTINE’S DAY is coming soon – LET’S TALK ROMANCE!

 

Dr. Ashley Mader (www.Ourshine.org) joined Dr. Diana to talk about love and romance. After all, love is a topic central to our lives and our search for meaning; alas, mystery and myth still cling.

 

The two sex therapists explored three areas:

 

They first targeted singles with the question: Who is my perfect romantic partner? A study in Proceedings of the National Academy of Science in 2020 addressed this topic. Sorting through a massive data-set of 11,196 couples, they tried to figure out what makes some romantic relationships happier than others. The academics came to one central conclusion – that relationships are unpredictable. But while data analysis appears unable to point people to their ideal mates, it can tell us why our gut instincts are often wrong. When people choose partners, they tend to favor those who are physically attractive as well as people in certain height ranges. For daters, a potential strategy is to seek out people other daters tend to overlook. He or she may not be your type – but give them a chance! And, find a partner who is already happy, someone who is satisfied with their life and free from depression.

 

How to reignite passion in a long-time relationship. Passion usually changes over the course of a relationship. The feelings haven’t gone away. They’re just not prioritized; perhaps assumed instead of actionized. When you started dating, everything was about being together. Then life takes over. There are external and internal distractions everywhere. To name a few: cell phone, computer, kids, negative self-talk, worrying, judging, stressing, fatigue, inhibitions, unrealistic expectations, and lack of time. Couples often suffer from skin hunger because there is so little touching. According to research by Johns Hopkins, human fingertips have about 3,000 touch receptors, each! So, spend the night with your hands all over each other! Massaging is great foreplay.

 

How to truly express love to your partner on Valentine’s Day – or any day, really. To begin with, think about what you want: to be closer, happier, more loving and feeling more loved. This may help push you past your fears. You might open with, “I want to be more expressive, but I haven’t always had the words.” An Adoration List works -- five non-material things that make you feel special and loved, and share your list. Also, take turns saying what I love and appreciate about you. Appreciation begets appreciation. It builds a reservoir of good will.

 

Listen to the show for lots more details!