David Steinberg (www.DavidSteinberg.us) writes about The Myths of Monogamy in his book “This Thing We Call Sex.”  Dr. Diana and David spoke about monogamy and affairs – the latter often a fallout of monogamy. The myths include that monogamy is the natural order of things, people who act on desires will be punished, and those who adhere are morally superior. What meaning is attached if one’s partner is attracted to someone else? Often the one who is betrayed, asks, “What’s wrong with me?” Instead, an affair may reflect a form of self-discovery, a quest for a new or lost identity. When we commit to a partner, we commit to a story. Yet we can remain forever curious: What other stories could we have been a part of? Affairs may offer us a view of those other lives…Affairs may be the revenge of the deserted possibilities. We agree that if couples could bring into their marriage, their partnership, one-tenth of the boldness and the playfulness that they bring to their affair, their relationship might feel quite different. David Steinberg is articulate and wise! Please tune-in for a thought provoking program.

00:0000:00

Orgasms! They are the center of letting go. “The pleasure of living and the pleasure of orgasm are identical. Extreme orgasm anxiety forms the basis  of the general fear of life.” ~ Wilhelm Reich.  Sheri Winston (www.IntimateArtsCenter.com) returned to the program this week. Her book “Succulent Sex Craft” is a wealth of information! This book is a must-read for anyone who wants to improve their erotic virtuosity, whether playing solo or with a partner. Sheri says sex is the glue and the lubricant of long-term relationships – often, helping create loving kindness. Dr. Diana and Sheri spoke about getting to the orgasm. Having an orgasm starts with getting aroused – and arousal begins in the brain, specifically the limbic area of the brain where our sense of smell intersects with our emotional process, our memory store and our sexuality. Arousal is also expressed through our breathing. Partners can even synchronize their breathing and movement. We also spoke of cannabis and sex which can erase a lot of our inhibitors and keep us in the moment. It’s often about finding pleasure and enjoyment in a very stressed out world. Plus, there are health benefits! Having regular orgasms will extend your life and provide the basis for more long lasting relationships. Studies have shown that people who enjoy a regular, satisfying sex life (i.e. regular orgasms) are less stressed, less  depressed and generally more well physically, mentally and emotionally. Imagine if we grew up believing that pleasure was a normal and healthy part of maturing sexuality. The world could not stay the same!

00:0000:00

When Sheri Winston (www.IntimateArtsCenter.com) and Dr. Diana last spoke there was a promise to talk about how to create and then play inside a “conjoined erotic trance”: -- a state where intuitive magic happens! Sheri’s books are Succulent Sex Craft and  Women’s Anatomy of Arousal. We spoke of the brain and how sex can make you stupid! Sheri’s sexual tool craft kit includes sounds and breath, visualizing heart energy, and rocking the hips. Turning it on, turning it up involves creating intention (good for low desire). Domesticity can be dangerous! Erotic skills, including more foreplay and mindfulness, may be essential. Sheri empathized that all of erotic skills are learnable! Just as the search for an orgasm is not about the destination – but more about the journey. Sheri and Diana talked about learning the skills along the way in a more mature, wise manner. Perhaps this requires older perspectives? Tune in to hear two older and wiser women speak about sexuality and relationships!   

00:0000:00

Stephen Snyder, M.D., author of “LOVE WORTH MAKING – HOW TO HAVE RIDICULOUSLY GREAT SEX IN A LONG LASTING RELATIONSHIP,” joined the program for Part 2. This time he and Dr. Diana discussed his Chapter 10 “Why Women Lose Interest in Sex” and Chapter 11 “Why Men Go Missing in Bed.” For a woman a serious sex-knot is feeling that something is wrong with her and so she has sex out of obligation. Dr. Snyder observes that people need acceptance more than they  need sex. His definition of intimacy is expressed by you and me in a sentence with a feeling. Female sexuality is often contextual, and she wants her partner to ignite her desire. She doesn’t want to be forced, but she wants him to help take her outside herself. Practicing being in the moment – mindfulness – often improves female desire. As for men, they need to feel welcomed, and they are sensitive to criticism. He feels criticized, so he withdraws. Now she is even more angry, and he withdraws further. Rather than confront relationship conflict head-on, many men hold their feelings inside. For some, excessive porn use accompanied by masturbation can lead to difficulty becoming aroused “in real life.” Healthy, loving relationships are built on mutual caretaking. Helping one’s partner feel wanted and attractive is an essential part of feeling connected emotionally. Dr Snyder’s website is www.LoveWorthMaking.com.  

00:0000:00

Affairs often reflect unmet expectations, lack of excitement, boring sex lives, emotional detachment and feeling more like a parent than a sexual being. Brad Coates helped sort out these issues and more. In the 4th Edition of his book “Divorce with Decency,” he addresses affairs and infidelity. Is infidelity inevitable? Are men “hardwired” to cheat? Brad Coates has headed the largest divorce firm in Hawaii for nearly forty years, and Dr. Diana has seen couples for thirty-five years. Both have observations regarding affairs. Monogamy may not be the gold standard of relationships. Many therapist believe that healthy sexual desire is driven by love – despite the extremely common experience that in long-term relationships, as love depends, desire declines. Both Brad and Dr. Diana have opinions about how to cope with affairs – and how to rebuild in the aftermath. Every affair will redefine a marriage, and every marriage will determine what the legacy of the affair will be. Please listen for more informing details!

00:0000:00

LOVE WORTH MAKING – HOW TO HAVE RIDICULOUSLY GREAT SEX IN A LONG LASTING RELATIONSHIP” is a book written by Stephen Snyder, M.D. – and my guest. His is a book written in an easy, conversational tone that could serve as a manual for couples and for therapists who are not sex experts. Dr. Snyder points out that emotional skills and physical awareness are typically more central to good sex than sexual technique. More self-acceptance and less self-criticism often enhance the libido. Dr. Diana and Dr. Snyder enjoyed a lively discussion about these matters and more. Part 2 will be broadcast on May 1st. He will give his book to the first caller. Get ready to call-in! Dr. Synder’s website is www.LoveWorthMaking.com  

00:0000:00

Dr. Nick Karras, author of “The Passionate High – A guide to using cannabis for better sex & creativity” spoke with Dr. Diana and her husband Bryan Brewer. The three of us had such an engaging conversation at a sexuality conference, I thought we’d do it again on-the-air!  In my practice I meet couples who complain about how the routine of their lives has left them feeling numb. Dr. Nick may have the solution: slowing down and appreciating each other – activities enhanced perhaps by cannabis. Dr. Nick observes, “I try to have my clients become more sensual first. When you are more sensual, intimacy happens and so does creativity.” His book which can be found onwww.PassionateHigh.com covers Connection & Creativity, and Setting the Scene. Sensual, empathic sex can extend your pleasure! Yes, it’s true: lighting, foods, sounds and smells may all become receptive to heightened sensation. Sensuality is characterized by full absorption in the moment-to-moment experience of the senses. Please tune-in for some illuminating information!

00:0000:00

Sheri Winston (www.IntimateArtsCenter.com) , author of Succulent Sex Craft and Women’s Anatomy of Arousal, returned to the program. On March 6th we called the show #goodsextoo; this time we focused on boundaries and communication. Women may get into situations where they are having second sexual thoughts and even bad sex. What to do? Boundaries: we need to be clear about what we want to do and don’t want to do. This is a conversation that may not occur when one is drunk; therefore, make decisions when the brain is working well. Two listeners called in – and the first will receive Sheri’s book “Women’s Anatomy of Arousal.” Both callers had fascinating observations and questions! Sheri knows so much…next time we’ll talk about how to create and then play inside a “conjoined erotic trance” – a state where intuitive magic happens!

 

00:0000:00

Dr. Linda De Villers (www.DrLindaDeVillers.com) is the author of “Love Sills – A Fun, Upbeat Guide to Sex-cessful Relationships” – a wonderful book providing step-by-step programs for sexual fun, adventure and growth! Dr. Linda and Dr. Diana have been friends and colleagues since 1991. They both share this in common: Linda’s mother died at 100 in April and Diana’s died at 95 in August of 2017. Both docs were blessed with secure attachment in their families of origin! This is a positive because our attachment experience influences whether we see ourselves as lovable. If a secure person is with an anxious one, be receptive to his or her desire for security and allay fears when second-guessing or smothering seems to be going on. If with an avoidant who is clamming up, talk about how you can give him the space he may not even realize he wants…get him talking openly! Dr. Linda, who has done research on touch, speaks about getting in touch with touch. We spoke about touch in a baby’s life, how different cultures embrace touch or don’t, the distinction between sensuality and sexuality, and the limitations and benefits of caressing exercises. Body image issues plague many women who believe that they have to have a beautiful body to be alluring and enjoy pleasure. Sometimes it may be a way to avoid being sexual; indeed, a “self-image neurosis.” In order to love another, it’s important to respect his choice of you as a worthy lover. With this kind of self-respect, it’s easier to forget precise physical boundaries in the warm, sensual, sexual world that two people make together!     

00:0000:00

We’re calling this show #goodsextoo. In light of the current #metoo conversations, there appear to be women who are unhappy because they had bad sex…not coercive, violent or otherwise non-consensual sex, just sex that wasn’t very good. Sheri Winston and Dr. Diana spoke about how the latter can be prevented. Sheri is a celebrated sexuality teacher, an award-winning author and a medical professional (www.IntimateArtsCenter.com). Her books areSucculent Sex Craft and Women’s Anatomy of Arousal – both great maps to “buried pleasure”! We discussed communication, mindfulness, and the challenges for men to understand women’s bodies and their arousal patterns. Sheri will return March 27th. During that live program, we will take questions. Please listen to this show, and call-in for the next one!

00:0000:00

- Older Posts »