Dr. Charlie Glickman  (www.CharlieGlickman.com) is the co-author of The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure (www.prostatepleasureguide.com). This is a man who knows about prostates! There is much pleasure to be had – given some guidance and an open mind. www.MakeSexEasy.com.  Dr. Diana and Dr. Charlie explored questions about common concerns, what is the prostate, why do men enjoy prostate play, different ways to explore it, and pegging. The female G-spot is similar to the prostate, and for both genders stimulation of these spots, orgasms can be bigger, more full-bodied. We spoke about fears some heterosexual men have about receiving anal/prostate pleasure, fearing that it might make them gay. Dr. Charlie pointed out that sexual orientation is more about who you want to be with, and that’s different than what you want to do. Dr. Charlie offers a half hour free phone consultation. He has spoken to people all over the world…asking what do they want, and how to make it happen. He is a wise and knowledgeable sex and relationship coach. Tune in for more!

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What does a real man look like? Charlie Glickman, Ph.D. speaks about acting like a man in a box. The video on this subject can be found at www.CharlieGlickman.com. He is a sex and relationship coach, a sexuality educator and an internationally-acclaimed speaker. Dr. Diana and Dr. Charlie spoke about the pressure for many men  to “enforce” the box. Doing so may manifest in performance anxiety, erectile problems – and in seeking out distractions like working a lot, drinking too much, having a lot of sex partners, etc. A man can ask, “What turns me on?...What slows me down?” Sex is not about a man’s penis (although porn is totally penis-focused). Great sex involves the entire body – based on leisurely, playful, whole-body sensuality for both partners. Next week we will discuss prostate pleasure and more! Dr. Charlie’s book is The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure. See more at www.MakeSexEasy.com.

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Stephen Snyder, M.D., author of “LOVE WORTH MAKING – HOW TO HAVE RIDICULOUSLY GREAT SEX IN A LONG LASTING RELATIONSHIP,” returned to the program. He and Dr. Diana explored these topics: Can erotic love last? – and, Why men and women don’t understand each other. The good doctor says you don’t need desire to have good sex. Slow down…it’s going to be okay. Dr. Snyder suggests spending time in bed naked doing nothing together. Mindfulness, being aware of your breathing, and of your senses may contribute to a growing arousal. Sex is all about paying attention. She may try to get his attention by showing what she has, who she is. The man, through his behavior, may show what he is capable of doing. In recent times, the power dynamic has shifted, and this is confusing for some men. There’s more, of course, in this fascinating show…Listen in! Dr. Snyder’s website is www.LoveWorthMaking.com.   

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Jessa Zimmerman – www.JessaZimmerman.com – author of “Sex without Stress – A Couple’s Guide to Overcoming Disappointment, Avoidance  & Pressure” returned to the program. This time we focused on “The 9 Phases of Taking the Stress Out of Sex.” Phase 1 is prioritizing intimacy – where it’s not just sex you’re scheduling; rather, it’s a trip to the playground. It’s important to just show up. With this sort of journey, there are no expectations, and you are seeing it as an opportunity to have fun. And, having fun together often fosters desire! There are many benefits derived from the giver-receiver exercises: one is that you need to take care of yourself, the foundation of trust. We also discussed exploring eroticism, her book’s Phase 9, where it is important to take and allow pleasure. Consent is built in to this exercise. Practicing emotional surrender by reminding yourself of what you are especially grateful for in your lover…Be playful and expressive. Laugh!  The articulate, informed Jessa will return in the new year.

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Brad Coates (www.CoatesandFrey.com) and Dr. Diana enjoyed a conversation about America’s growing gender gap between men and women. His book, “Divorce with Decency” Fifth Edition, is a comprehensive treatment of the legal, emotional, economic, psychological, and social aspects of marital relationships. We looked at women’s increasing educational, economic, and political power. Porn is part of the erotic erosion between men and women; in fact, it may be a scapegoat for all the conversations men and women are not having. Couples almost never discuss their sexual desires and fantasies. Man are more likely to soothe themselves by turning to solitary pleasures and paid ones – less emotionally complicated forms of sex. The #MeToo movement has led to further divisiveness with an expanded awareness of the prevalence of abuse/assault. Of course, not all guys are bad dudes! But some women are feeling safer with other women. There’s more…please tune in!   

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The #MeToo movement has brought to light some harsh realities. Where do we go from here? To help make sense off this, Dr. Nancy Sutton Pierce returned to the show. Intimacy seems to be going extinct. Many men cannot integrate closeness and sexual passion. Furthermore, loneliness is on the increase especially among those 15-25 years of age. When there is little face-to-face interaction overshadowed by texting, people do not get the full picture; so, there is more depression and anxiety. And less interconnectivity leads to less oxytocin and more cortisol. How do we make consent more sexy? Use your words before boundaries are crossed…talk about sex before having it. Dr. Nancy’s take-away: get connected in person – otherwise your health and longevity may suffer. www.drnsp.com.   

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Halloween is tomorrow. What are adults getting out of Halloween? Some dress up as their fantasy persona. Does this impact personal sexual behavior? Dr. Nancy Sutton Pierce (www.drnsp.com) returned to the program to help sort this out. Dr. Nancy is a sex and relationship author, an international speaker, and a sensuality educator. Playing out fantasies can help couples with communication, help them be more playful and adventurous. According to a study of people’s sexual fantasies, where more than 4,000 respondents were interviewed, the most common fantasy is multi-partnered sex, followed by power, control, and rough sex; novelty and adventure; taboo and forbidden sex;  and partner sharing and non-monogamy. Many experiment with these fantasies in a harmless manner – often inviting additional communication. Dr. Nancy sees fantasy as entertainment! As a teacher, she is involved with Hedonism (www.hedonism.com) – a resort that can jump-start a fading sexual relationship. Dr. Diana referred to “Nina Hartley’s Guide to Total Sex” which provides some valuable information about three-somes and more. In her chapter “Swinging: Strangers at the Party” Nina observes that by keeping an open mind, you will find out things about yourself or your partner that may surprise you. We discussed this. Dr. Nancy is a voice on Voice Americahttps://radio.thesexylifestyle.com/show/3801/the-conscious-living-show. Please tune in on November 13th for more with Dr. Nancy!

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Jessa Zimmerman – www.JessaZimmerman.com – has written “Sex without Stress – A Couple’s Guide to Overcoming Disappointment, Avoidance & Pressure.” It has recently been published, and already I am recommending the book to couples in my practice. The cycle of avoidance does damage to a couple’s sex life. We discussed the sexual myths that spawn unrealistic expectations – including men want sex more than women and are always ready to go. An informal survey of sex therapists suggests that the man has more libido in 60 to 70% of cases, but sometimes it is 50-50 men vs women. Often the lower desire person wants more nonsexual affection and more attention in general. Jessa describes two ways that people experience sexual desire – proactive and reactive. In the latter case, desire needs to be evoked. “Just do it” may be the best advice here because often arousal is necessary to feel desire. So, people who think they need to be in the mood to have sex might in fact need to have sex to get in the mood! Maintenance sex is not the same thing as enthusiastic sex; but, as Amy Poehler declared in her memoir “You have to have sex with your husband occasionally, even though you’re exhausted. Sorry.” Other myths in Jessa Zimmerman’s book include sex is natural; it shouldn’t take work. And you and your partner should know what the other wants; you shouldn’t have to communicate. Other myths: women should orgasm though penetration alone, men should last a long time, and if you are in a good relationship, neither of you should masturbate. When Jessa returns December 4th, we will discuss “The Nine Phases of Taking Stress out of Sex.” Tune-in!

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Sheri Winston, author of “Succulent Sex Craft,” returned to the program to again discuss boundaries. Few were taught about boundaries when they were young; therefore, Sheri and Dr. Diana’s conversation reflected remedial education on the topic. Adults need to talk with their boys and girls early and often about sexual ethics, gender dynamics, consent, pleasure, healthy relationships and the risk to them of mixing sex and alcohol. Pleasure is often missing in sex education…and the joy associated with full consent and enthusiasm! But how to get there? Research by the Making Caring Common project showed that in a survey of more than 3,000 18-to 25-year-olds, more than 60% of respondents had never had a single conversation with their parents about how to be sure your partner wants to be having sex with you. It seems as though many parents have abdicated responsibility for talking with their children about sexual ethics and emotional intimacy. Using role-plays, Sheri teaches ways to try out different approaches to saying things. Language is necessary – as is practice, perhaps using  friends for a rehearsal scenario. Acknowledging shyness about the topic – i.e., insisting on using a condom – can help the speaking-up process. If we helped people feel less ambivalent about sex, they could use their words more easily and have much better sex! There is more on Sheri’s website: www.IntimateArtsCenter.com.

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Sheri Winston, author of “Succulent Sex Craft” a full-course meal of sex education delights, knows about boundaries. Reflecting the current national conversations, Dr. Diana and Sheri discussed the emotional, physical, energetic, romantic, sexual, and conversational boundaries. When our boundaries are healthy, we have the freedom to play and explore within them! Sheri offered the principles and skills of boundaries – one’s own and how to communicate and protect them. Few were taught early on about boundaries; therefore, skills need to be developed. These skills include self-awareness, authentic communication (if you can’t talk about it, don’t do it!), and choice. Is a firm “No” needed, a wide-open “Yes,” or perhaps a “maybe.”  Re the latter, if someone says, “I do not want to do this with you,” she may be indicating that she needs more time to check-in with her own needs. The conversation continues next week, a Part 2 with Sheri Winston. We will talk about respecting other people’s boundaries and teaching children about boundaries. Tune-in, call-in if you are listening live. Check-out Sheri’s website: www.IntimateArtsCenter.com.     

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