Cannabis and sex! Better orgasms! Matisse and Chelsea developed a cannabis enhanced sensual lubricant called Velvet Swing which provides more fun for everyone (www.velvetswing.com). Discussions went from the pragmatic (Willie Nelson re being caught with a bag of marijuana: “It’s a good thing I had a bag of marijuana instead of a bag of spinach. I’d be dead by now.”) to the sublime (Natalie Angier, author of “Woman, An Intimate Geography,” said, “Marijuana can be a sexual mentor and sublime electrician, bringing the lights of Broadway to women who have spent years in frigid darkness.”) Chelsea and Matisse talked about the science of weed, the consent culture, the help that can be brought to sexual dysfunctions, slowing down, foreplay – and more! This is a program that will inform, and perhaps make a difference in your sex life.

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Would you like a few secrets for becoming a vibrant Valentine? Brad Coates (www.CoatesandFrey.com – author of “Divorce with Decency”) and Dr. Diana’s fiancé, soon-to-be husband Bryan Brewer (www.Funding-Quest.com) joined forces to answer that question. Dr. Diana first described what she’s heard women friends and clients want when it comes to love. LOOKS were not mentioned much. Women tend to be much more forgiving of physical flaws – having spent a lifetime perhaps examining their own. BRAINS. Yes, women love a smart man (or at least a man who loves learning new things), and a man with a sense of humor. WEALTH. Most of the sample seemed not to be gold diggers, saying they can make their own way. Really what women want is someone who has found something he loves and does it well. KINDNESS topped the list! Women want a man who will treat her kindly – and for that, the best women will give and forgive much. Pay attention to the attention she pays; be patient, one-third more often than you feel patient; don’t try to fix it, try to understand it; tell her she makes you feel lucky – and you will win her heart! Brad points out that many men in midlife move from competing to connecting. The happiest men are more expressive and sensuous – they have cultivated their feminine side. We all spoke about how sensual sex can extend pleasure. Dr. Diana and Bryan discussed what is personally romantic. Romancing the senses by engaging all of them – sight, touch, sound, scent, and taste. Light scented candles, play music, feed each other sensual foods, watch erotic films, wear sexy lingerie (“Brevity is the soul of lingerie” – Dorothy Parker). Smell is especially important: nuzzle and sniff each other; as is touch: massage each other, taking your time. Dr. Diana’s observation re Bryan: When I say “I love you,” the words are not spoken out of habit. It is my way of saying thank you for being you and returning some of the joy you have given me. If you have a Valentine, make the most of it!  

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Dr. Mark Schoen, a sex educator and filmmaker, last here last year, returned. His website www.SexSmartFilms.com is the Netflix of sex education! Indeed, this website is a sex educator’s dream come true! There are some 600 films on the site – including sensate focus exercises, the science of orgasms, the true story of how babies are made, the science of attraction, and TRANS (about the transgendered folks dealing with discrimination and rejection). We also discussed his project with Dr. Mitch Tepper “Making Love after War.” So much more needs to be done to help vets deal with their (sexual) injuries. Consent is really important these days! Use your words. We seem to be especially unable to talk about sex when we are having it, or about to have it. Education is the key. If people felt less ambivalent about sex, they could use their words more easily and  have much better sex!   

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Dr. Dudley Danoff MD, a world renowned urologist, is the author of “The Ultimate Guide to Male Sexual Health  -- How to Stay Vital at Any Age” (www.TheUtimateGuidetoMensHealth.com). We focused on his Chapter 9 having to do with aging and sexuality. Dr. Danoff says, “You do not stop having sex because you get old, you get old because you stop having sex!” Many older men experience ED. What is the cause? Hormones? Psychological changes? Vascular problems? Heart disease? Prolonged monogamy? Or simply all the insults to the body that accrue with aging? Dr. Danoff has the answers! Some women will say, “I have some menopausal symptoms, but my husband has more! I get tired of trying to start things in the bedroom. I always thought it was me. I stopped trying because I thought it was embarrassing to him.” Erectile Dysfunction can be a huge challenge to a man’s virility and vitality. If an older man has a regular, trusted partner, he is at less risk as he ages. Most of us want emotional connection, safety, and communication. Many men did not get training for interpersonal communication. They got performance training. Dr. William Masters was asked his best advice for a man losing his potency. “Talk to your partner. Tell her you have these concerns. She’s probably concerned and afraid to tell you. Then talk to a competent sexologist about how to reactivate your bedroom scene. Communication is the privilege of exchanging vulnerabilities.” Dr. Danoff is as wise as Dr. Masters! Please listen to this program.

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What do men want? Brad Coates (www.CoatesandFrey.com) knows because he has handled 8-9 thousand divorces over the last 40 years. He also knows what women want, and everything is documented in the 5th Edition of his book Divorce with Decency. Brad is an unusual divorce attorney because he suggests relationship counseling! He even speaks on cruise ships, cruising to some 140 countries in the last fifteen years. Brad and Dr. Diana discussed the physical and emotional make-up of men, the values and communication styles, the economic issues, and life trajectories. Brad will return February 13th. Of course, we’ll talk romance and more!

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Sexuality and disabilities are not addressed or explored enough. Dr. Mitchell Tepper (www.DrMitchellTepper.com) reports that he “dove head first into the field” because of a diving accident years ago, breaking his neck. Since then he has become an internationally recognized sexuality educator, disability expert, and pioneer in spinal cord research and orgasm. Dr. Mitch has been collaborating with Dr. Mark Schoen on a documentary: “Love After War” (www.LoveafterWar.com). By going to that website, you can see clips that may bring tears to your eyes! Wanting to help our vets rediscover a life filled with passion, purpose and pleasure.

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Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. – Anais Nin. Dr. Lori Buckley (www.DrLoriBuckley.com)  helped us with this “replenishing” by suggesting a number of decisions (similar toresolutions) we can make as we begin 2018. Decisions are at the core of her book “21 Decisions for Great Sex & a Happy Relationship” (found on Amazon). What if your decision is to have a better sex life? Dr. Lori and Dr. Diana discussed action steps necessary. Trying something new is important; for example, try banning intercourse for 30 days to discover new and exciting ways to increase sexual pleasure. Outercourse” is a great option because it helps women forget there is a goal, so that they can just enjoy the feelings and sensations of the ride. On Dr. Lori’s website you will find recommended sex toys – including strap ons and vibrating cock-rings. This show is filled with useful information – so, please listen!

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Dr. Patti Britton is a friend and colleague of some twenty-seven-years. She and Dr. Diana feel passionately about sexuality – and they both teach, coach, and offer therapy. Her URLs are: www.DrPattiBritton.com;www.SexCoachU.com and www.SexologyU.com. Here you will find in-depth, sensitive approaches to thorough training. Dr. Patti’s life partner of 17 years died earlier this year…Dr. Robert Dunlap was also her business partner. He left a huge legacy: we discussed it on the air. On Robert’s deathbed he said to his beloved, “I wish we had had more time together…and had spent less time with other people’s problems.” Death is a teacher. Don’t defer the love, the joy. Our mutual friend Dr. Stella Resnick sums it up with “Carpe Diem, Dammit!” Dr. Robert was a man well loved and had a life well lived. Dr. Patti will return early next year to discuss what strategies she recommends for self help before someone needs professional help: women – top issues; men – top issues; couples – top issues. Stay tuned!

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Dr. Lori Buckley – www.DrLoriBuckley.com – returned to the program. Her book is “21 Decisions for Great Sex & a Happy Relationship” and can be purchased on AMAZON. This is the time of year to express gratitude; although, all of us would be happier if we did it every day. The happiest couples work to build positivity into their relationships.  Positive emotion is about more than just having fun – it includes gratitude, inspiration, and curiosity! Gratitude helps remind us of the good qualities in our partners. Dr. Lori’s Chapter 2 is “Cherish Your Partner,” and suggests this exercise: “I feel loved and cherished when you…” A man married forty years has this precious perspective, “The love between two people is sustained by the multiple roles of lover, partner, friend, and champion.” Yes, with more positivity and gratitude, the payoff is great: more fun, more growth, better sex, and more sustained intimacy!

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Veronica Monet, a relationship and sexuality coach – www.TheShameFreeZone.com – returned to the show. She and Dr. Diana discussed sexual harassment. In her twenties, Veronica had some personal experiences with powerful men in Hollywood. Sexual harassment has become normalized, and of course it is an abuse of power. Then there was this topic: How guilt and empathy can save us from shame and low self-esteem. Most folks don’t enjoy feeling guilty; so, why would she encourage us to connect with our guilt in a positive way? In her work, she encourages her clients to get in touch with the inner, innocent child which helps them reconnect with those they might have harmed. Empathy should come into play here. Like so much in life, thinking about the feelings of others hinges on emotional regulation. A person who can control his/her own emotions (especially negative ones like anger and anxiety) without denying them will be able to tolerate others’ upsets, not prompted to run from them – and able to help. Veronica spoke about healing from shame. In her Part 2, December 12th, we will have an expanded conversation about sexual healing.

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